163th Carnival of Education

The 164 Carnival of Education is out hosted by Joel over at So You Want to Teach? As always, there’s a number of fantastic submissions to keep you occupied over your spring break. My submission, “Diets, Mini Monkey Mints & Floral Print Shoes” was included, but you don’t have to go there to read it here.

Still make sure you check it out so you know what’s happening in the EduSphere.

Now before I go, I have two random Floral Print Shoes ramblings…

#1…For my Pizza Andy fans, you will be pleased to know that he is in Washington, D.C. for the Al Neuharth Free Spirit Journalism Scholar Award. He sent me an email telling me he was one of seven boys who were finalists for the $50,000 scholarship. I can’t tell you how proud and excited I am for him. (The winner will be announced Wednesday, March 19.)

#2…For reasons I can’t quite articulate…but probably has something to do with my craziness and floral print shoes… I will be hosting the next Carnival of Education. Submissions will be due by 6 p.m. Tuesday, March 25 and hopefully (barring any major disasters which seem to occur with some level of frequency in my life), the 165 Carnival of Education will appear right here on Wednesday morning. Send your submissions to me using this handy, dandy form or you can email me at mybellringers@gmail.com. Ahhhhhh, what was I thinking? Let the games begin!

Diets, Mini Monkey Mints & Floral Print Shoes

The week before Spring Break was, well, “interesting.”

That’s my fill-in-the-blank word. You know those words–words you use when someone or something renders you speechless.

“Hmmm, that’s very interesting,” I’ll say when one of my students provides an answer or observation that makes no sense. And, as an added bonus, “very interesting” doesn’t diminish anyone’s self-of-steam.

“Interesting” also provides the perfect response when someone offers a suggestion or idea that makes me want to scream, “You big, fat, stupidhead!”

Instead, I can play nice and merely and politely say, “Why, how very interesting.”

It’s also a great answer to those no-win-are-you-still-beating-your- spouse-type questions. Just merely answer with, “My, now that’s an interesting question.”

And all of this interesting stuff brings me to my entertainment editor’s random, interesting outbursts.

Situation #1–A conversation about food and dieting
Jessica: “I need to eat healthy and lose weight.”
Me: “No, you don’t. You’re the size of a toothpick.”
Jessica: "You don’t know what’s going on under this shirt.”

See how my comment, “Hmmm, how interesting…” would fit in perfectly?


Situation #2–Working on stories
Jessica: “Mini Monkey Mints…”
Pizza Andy & Katelyn: “Alliteration…”
Me: “What?”
Jessica: “I couldn’t remember that word.”
Me: “Mini Monkey Mints?”
Jessica: “No, alliteration…”
Me: “Why are you writing about Mini Monkey Mints?”

See, I should have just said, “Hmmm, interesting” and moved on…

Situation #3–Jessica was working on her fashion critiques. I had asked her earlier to check on a student for me.
Me: “What did she say?”
Jessica: “Floral print shoes.”
Me: Silence. (I’ve got nothing here.)
Allison: “You know, like the shoes with the flowers on them.”
Me: “Yes, I know what floral print shoes are, but what does that have to do with Courtney? Is she wearing them? What did she say about the Andy’s tape?”
Jessica: “Ohhhhh, the tape. Courtney. I didn’t go yet.”

Me thinking about big, fat…Oh, you know the rest…but try as they might they are not going to make me say it…

Floral print shoes

Me saying, “Oh my goodness…”

Floral print shoes

Me thinking next time: “Hmmm…That’s very interesting…”

162 Carnival of Education

The long-awaited for March Mathness edition of the 162 Carnival of Education hosted by Mr. Teacher at Learn Me Good is out. It’s well worth heading over there to read the promo/previews even if you don’t read the submissions (which you should because there are lots of excellent choices).

My submission “TAKS Testers, Ninth Graders & Lions” was included, but you don’t have to go there to read it here.

TAKS Testing, Ninth Graders & Lions

Somehow I’ve got to get my FunnyBack. If you find it, let me know.

I lost it sometime after my Austin trip, but definitely before the great March blizzard of 2008 that forced (much to the delight of everyone involved) a two-hour delay of school on Friday–and all for a picturesque dusting of snow. Ah, just another reason to love Texas.

I guess I probably lost it–my FunnyBack that is, not my mind nor the snow–somewhere in the vicinity of administering the state mandated ELA TAKS test. (Don’t you just hate it when your conversation starts to sound rather alphabet-soupish?)

OK, so let’s get back to the administration of the test.

I had ninth graders.

They finished way before the 10th graders.

And they finished way, way, way–did I say way?– before the 11th graders.

Our lucky 12th graders and their homeroom teachers got to spend the day noshing and reminiscing at the senior breakfast.

Did I mention I had ninth graders?

They finished way before 10th graders.

And they finished way, way, way, way before those 11th graders.

Ninth graders.

I felt much like Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible when he receives his assignment…

“Your mission, should you decide to accept it…”

Except I don’t recall this mission being optional.

And, I’m pretty sure Mr. Super Spy Ethan Hunt, once he discovered the mission was to keep a room full of beady-eyed ninth graders quiet for no less than three hours after they finished their test, would have said, “No siree” and high-tailed it out of there. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure he never would have survived for M:I2 or M:I3.

In Mission Impossible, the powers-that-be say they will “disavow any knowledge,” and of course, all evidence self-destructs in seconds.

Did I mention I had ninth graders?

And I had to keep them quiet for no less than three hours?

Next time just throw me to the lions and let’s call it a day.

161 Carnival of Education

Grab your tickets and hitch a ride the 161 Carnival of Education is over at the Education Wonks. Lots of good stuff to look at. I particularly liked NYC Educator’s submission. Even if you don’t teach, the corporate world has this problem too. I wanted to head on over to our friend in the UK and see what was going on there, but I couldn’t access the video (blocked for my own good I’m sure) from Scenes from the Battleground, so I looked at this other post from him instead–“10 things you never hear in teaching.” I guess I particularly liked: “Remember children, if you fail your GCSEs you are a loser and you will have a rubbish life.” I just think it would be fun to say, “a rubbish life.”

My submission “Campus Visits, More Irrelevancy & Nincompoops” was included, but you don’t have to go there to read it here.

Blame it on Pizza Andy…

News flash…

We knew it was bound to happen soon especially if you have followed this blog closely. With spring break just around the corner, cold northerly winds clocking at a minimum of 30 mph inside my classroom (a recurring problem) and an overall drop in common sense (another recurring problem), it didn’t take much prodding from Pizza Andy for me to stand in the middle of my classroom, arms outstretched in martyr fashion and proclaim…

after exactly 63 days, 11 hours and 16 seconds…

“They truly are all BIG FAT STUPID HEADS.”

And, nincompoops.

So there.

Campus Visits, More Irrelevancy & Nincompoops

Over the weekend, I fired my VP of Humor Control (but I didn’t tell her), but don’t worry about her. I figure it will take her at least a good 11 days before she notices, and by that time, I probably would have rehired her anyway. That’s what happens when one stumbles into the realm of irrelevancy.

I seem to be doing that a lot lately…the stumbling, so I thought perhaps we could stumble together through my Top 5 List of Things That Make Me Irrelevant.

#5… I took my fired VP to Austin for a college day at the University of Texas campus. While there, we visited the drag–Guadalupe Street. While all the shops oozed cuteness and beckoned us shopaholics, I must admit that there probably was not one thing I could squeeze into (so much for the Biggest Loser program), but more importantly, even if I could have, I most definitely should not have.

#4… Recently, I discovered that anything that I might suggest has as much of a chance of eliciting a positive response from those who fit into the demographics of being able to squeeze into that clothing on Guadalupe Street as Ralph Nader does of winning a run at the White House. (In case you were wondering, those demographics pretty much include all the children in all my classes as well as my former VP.)

#3… After 22 years of teaching and surviving (thus far) nine principals, seven superintendents and four school districts (if you count my student teaching a gazillion years ago), I finally have allowed myself to be annoyed by the moronic musings of lilly-livered nincompoops.


#2… The fact that I can readily amuse myself with alliterations and by using the word “nincompoop” just underscores my irrelevantness.

And finally…can anyone anywhere give us a drum roll pah-leese…

The No. 1 Thing That Makes Me Irrelevant… I’ve pretty much given up on playing Classic Rock songs for my Journalism I class while they write their daily journal entries after I put on “Can’t You Hear Me Knockin’” by the Rolling Stones and the kids thought we were going to play Guitar Hero.

Jeez Louise as if I’ve ever played.