Shopping, Barneys & Back to School Survival Tips

This week, ahem, has been slightly less exciting than the brown recluse spider hoopdeedo of last week, but that’s OK because with temperatures ready to soar to 107 degrees (don’t ya, just love August in Texas?), I’m not sure that I possess the stamina to survive any more of that kind of excitement.

The start of school still looms just a hop, skip and a sweltering jump away… August 18 for us teacher types and August 25 for the kiddos so there’s still time to…oh, I don’t know… think about things. And, we all know just how dangerous that can be for me (both in the thinking and things realm).

Still, all this before-school shopping thing got me to thinking especially when I navigated my way from the North Park mall shopping center parking lot through Barneys New York. (For those of you unfamiliar with Barneys, well, let’s just say Barneys makes Neiman Marcus sort of look like Target (sorry, Stanley). Not that I’ve spent much time in either store (Barneys or Neimans that is).

Well, there I was walking through Barneys on my way into the mall. Of course, I glanced at a snazzy dress over there on the rack located just past the personal shopper station for $2,200 or so, and naturally, I tried to surreptitiously check the price tag on a nifty pair of boots for a mere $1,100 or so. The sales clerks--excuse me, personal shoppers--never did offer me a bottled water from their neatly stacked rows of chilled spring water. Obviously those bottles were reserved for real Barney types (and I’m not talking about the purple dancing dinosaur types either).

Oh well, like I said, all that got me to thinking just how pathetic my paycheck really is and just how thankful I am that while I may never own a pair of $1,100 plus boots or shoes, I am the proud owner of this extremely clever list…and you can have it for free. Of course, you can always send $1,100 too if you wish.

Richie’s Nifty List of
Top Five Survival Tips For Back to School

#5… Teacher in-service… I wish I could say something clever and insightful, but my mom always said if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say it at all. So, my friends, my mouth’s zipped up tighter than a drum. You’ll find me in the back of the room sitting behind the coaches reading the U.S. Government Accountability Office’s annual report.

#4…Lesson plans… Ah well, you should probably have a plan, you know, a plan to do lesson plans. And maybe even another plan to do those lesson plans sometime before the actual plans are due in your supervisor’s plan for your evaluation plan. Of course, that means you actually have to find some time to plan, so you might want to add that on your List Of Things To Do. (You have one of those, don’t you?) But then if you’re like me (and be thankful that you’re not), you’ll probably lose your List Of Things To Do so now you have to plan to put that list in a safe place. And Jeepers Creepers, we all know what happens in those safe places, and now I’m exhausted just thinking about all that planning we have to do. Jeez Louise.

#3…Improve your disposition… Buy a tiara for school… it may not make you feel better (although it usually does), but at least you will look fab-u-lous!

#2… Check the Things folder… Review the things in the “Things That Will Get You Fired Folder” and watch for those things again… and again… and again… and if you are a publications adviser, you know exactly what I mean and what kinds of ugly things lurk there.

And finally, the #1 Nifty Back to School Tip… drum roll pah-leese…

#1… BYOB… Instead of wishing for a classroom full of Barneys types, just think of all the fun you’d miss if you couldn’t rummage through those dollar Target bins (and if I’ve got to explain that metaphor, well, you probably should rethink the whole teaching thing…ah, there are those things again.)

And besides, you can always BYOB--Bring Your Own Bottled water.