Monday, August 11, 2008

Back to School, Nifty Sayings & Bless Your Heart

School districts across the country are ramping up their back to school in-service or professional development sessions hoping to give us tools we can use throughout the year.

Me? Well, I’m sorry, I usually find those sessions less than helpful. (Have you read the little blurby thing under the Bellringers name?)

So since I’m less-than-a-fan of all things in that in-service realm, I thought I would put together a nifty little list of sayings that just might come in handy during the school year. So here we go…

Richie’s Nifty List of 5 Sayings
You Can Probably Use Without Getting Fired

Saying #5…“Well that’s about nine kinds of stupid.”
I don’t know exactly when I started saying the “nine kinds of stupid thing,” but it was at least seven years ago. I don’t know where or why I started saying it, but when I was reading Scott Westerfeld’s novel Peeps which was published in 2006, I noticed he used the phrase “nine kinds” of this and that all throughout the book. Now since I’ve never met Scott Westerfeld, I don’t know how both of us started with the “nine kinds”of this and that thing going on. All I can say is that both of us are Texans (we’ll forgive him for moving) and that perhaps great minds think alike. Not that my mind is great, but…

Saying #4…“That’s interesting.”
I know we’ve covered this one before, but that phrase is so important to have in your teacher lingo repertoire. Go here to read more about that one, but briefly, when someone says something that’s about nine kinds of stupid, you can always say, “Hmmmm, that’s interesting” and then move on.

Saying #3…“Crap Fire!”
Clearly this one’s perfect for situations that normally demand an explicative such as smashing your knee into your desk drawer or when a purple pen explodes all over your hands or your supervisor requests a little chat with you. I’d love to take credit for this one, but it actually comes from my friend Wayna who is a walking dictionary of quirky colloquialisms. If “Crap Fire!” is a bit too strong, you can always alter it to my rendition of “Crack Fire!”

Saying #2…Bull Flop!
My BFF Jennifer (you know the one who lives on the east coast?) sent me this one. When a new policy is implemented that you don’t like, why you can just say, “That’s just Bull Flop.” Or if a kiddo gives you a particularly suspicious excuse, you can respond with “bull flop.” Or, you can just say “bull flop” for no apparent reason, just because it’s fun to say. Try it--bull flop, bull flop, bull flop. See what I mean?

And the Number 1 Nifty Saying, drum roll pah-leese…

Saying #1…Bless her heart
At a recent summer workshop, we decided that you can say just about anything as long as you end your statement with “Bless her heart” or “Bless his heart.” Now before you go off being a naysaying unbeliever just try saying these little ditties aloud and you’ll see what I mean…

“Oh my, she’s dumber than a bag of cat hair, bless her heart.”

“Oh my goodness, his classroom management skills are absolutely horrible, bless his heart.”

“She certainly gained quite a bit of weight over the summer, bless her heart.”

See what I mean? It’s Crap Fire amazing!

So, now you said you were in education?

Why, bless your heart.


Anonymous said...

"Bless his/her heart" is a big player in my meeting repertoire here. Ex: The Dallas Morning News sure makes some asinine long term moves, bless their hearts.
- Ann

Kevin C said...

I grew up in southeast Tennessee, so I've got a personal favorite that I use instead of "Bull Flop": Horse Puckey. And if you're reaaaallly feeling the horse puckiness of the situation, you can use the S of "horse" to build up the saliva to let fly with the P. This can be very rewarding with the horse who just dropped the puckey all over you.

loonyhiker said...

I'm from the south and "Bless his/her heart is a staple in all conversations, as much as thank you and please! Great post that had me smiling! Crack fire! I think this post is definitely not full of bull flop!

Earl and Vickie said...

Sweet heart is another good one. You can just about grind anything out between your teeth and finish it off with sweetheart. The kid goes home and tells mom that you told them to sit down and be quiet, sweetheart....

DFULL said...

BULL FLOP is hilarious! I wished I'd known about that phrase before I was fired for using the other phrase!

Anonymous said...

Best one I ever heard was, "If you put his brain on the head of a pin, it would roll around like a dried pea on a six-lane highway, bless his heart."

Closely followed by, "And six months after the wedding she had a nine-pound baby, bless her heart."

askthehomediva said...

LOL… I must say that probably is the funniest thing I've heard in quite a while! Thanks for the comment and for stopping by.