Frozen Tongues, Reenactments & My Super Bowl List

About a week ago, two fourth graders decided to reenact a scene from “A Christmas Story” to see if their tongues would actually stick to a frozen flagpole. Surprise, surprise surprise, the tongues stuck to the pole. (You can read the full story here. )

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to reenactments. In fact, my BFF Jennifer who lives up in Yankeeland can claim the title as the Queen of Reenactment. We have reenactment photos of when she passed out at a rather nice, hoity-toity California spa. We also possess digital images re-enacting her throwing up outside a rather nice historical home in Annapolis (much to the consternation of the rather nice docent who gave us a tour. (Oh come on now, as if John Paul Jones never upchucked anywhere. As if.)

Currently rounding out her reenactment portfolio would be a similar incident on the grounds of the U.S. Naval Academy. (In her defense, she had developed a rather nasty stomach virus while we were sightseeing. Still, I’m absolutely sure Homeland Security now possesses 8x10 glossy flyers with her mugshot on it.)

But back to the point…I’m sure you’re wondering if there’s a point to all this…You see, I’m really not opposed to this reenactment thing. In fact, it got me thinking (sometimes not a very good thing). Still, I got to thinking about how often common sense just disappears, disintegrates or dissolves and not just with that tongue-sticking-to-the-pole thing. So I got to thinking some more, and with this being Super Bowl weekend, it really got me to thinking, and I thought perhaps now was a good time to compile a Super Bowl list of some sort…

You know, like a Super Bowl List of Dumb things. But Dumb is about a gazillion miles away from politically correct and would probably hurt someone’s self-of-steam somewhere, so perhaps we should just call it “A Super Bowl List of Less Than Smart Things.”

So, here it goes…

“Top 5 Super Bowl List of Less Than Smart Things.”

#5…Back in the day of real darkrooms, I heard a small explosion. When I ran to the supply room, there sat one of the newspaper photographers with a sheepish grin. “I just wanted to see if it was, ya know, like flammable, you know, like the package said,” he said, pointing to the label on one of the yellow packets of developing chemicals.

#4…Back in the day again when teachers didn’t have to worry about students huffing correction fluid, rubber cement or permanent markers, you still had to worry about creative uses for the aforementioned items. The salutatorian who was on my newspaper staff decided he wanted to experience being bad before he graduated–not really bad, just In-School Suspension bad. So he did what all salutatorian-types do, he did a bit of research and read the Student Code of Conduct to see what specific infraction would land him one day of ISS. He then dipped a pencil in rubber cement and lit a match.

Instant flame thrower.

Instant office referral.

And it would have been instant one day in ISS except since that’s what he wanted, I thought better and talked the assistant principal into making the staffer wash dishes in the cafeteria instead. [Oh, and let’s just add a word of warning: Those of you currently on newspaper staff reading this best not get any ideas… or really bad things will happen…]

#3… One day when the Queen of Reenactment was attending a seminar, she had a sub that her darlings didn’t particularly like. When the sub stepped out of the room to scold one of the students, the remaining students (I believe they were either freshmen or sophomores) quietly locked the door, pretended they didn’t understand the sub through the locked door, and of course, wouldn’t open the locked door. Guess they forgot that administrators had a key. It did take almost all the class period, though, before they were able to find the key to unlock the door.

#2… Once on a trip to a convention, my little darlings decided to suds the hotel fountain. They, of course, denied it. Once back at school, 8x10 glossy black and white photos surfaced–and not exactly a reenactment either.

And, now, drum roll pah-leese, let’s get to our No. 1 winner… This little ditty comes–not from my DIs (Darling Inspirations) but from a fellow teacher who stands out in the hall with me during passing period…

#1… My hall buddy said one of her students asked for a pass to see the school nurse because his eye was hurting him and his vision was, well, just a tad bit blurry. Immediately concerned, she asked, “What’s wrong?” He told her he had wanted to see what would happen if he copied his eye.

On the photo copier.

With his eyes opened.

Well, at least it wasn’t his behind because then, of course, we would all be screaming, “Code K, Code K, Code K!”