Sunday, September 14, 2008

ARDs, CFCs & the Very Big Fat Purple Notebook Accommodations

Editorial warning…If you don’t have a sense of humor and/or you are a card-carrying member of the Richie Hata’s Club, you should just stop reading now. (And don’t be like those who ignored the dire warnings about Hurricane Ike, refused to follow the mandatory evacuation orders and then expected a speedy-quick rescue. Nope. If you take life too seriously, just move on off.)

Last week as I walked back to my classroom, I bumped into a rather exasperated teacher friend who had just left an ARD meeting. Let’s just say every single facet of life contains those who work the system, take advantage of assistance meant for others and drive the rest of us CFC.

And no, I’m not talking about chlorofluorocarbons or blaming the ozone and global warming (although I probably could, given the current political climate). No siree, Missy. I’m talkin’ about being driven Crack Fire Crazy!

So it should come as no surprise that there are people out there who work the educational system to their advantage. I offered some consoling words to my teacher peep and headed back to class to start first period. But before I could finish taking roll, a very pleasant special education teacher delivered the Very Big Fat Purple Notebook and made me sign a sheet acknowledging its receipt and all the accommodations I must follow for the students listed therein.

And as I stuffed the Very Big Fat Purple Notebook under my desk… (Remember I’m trying to keep my desk clean, so now I’ve resorted to placing stacks of stuff under my desk. I know. I know. I know. Pretty sad.)…

Anyway, all of that got me to thinking about things. And everyone knows just how dangerous that can be for me (both in the thinking and things realm). But has that ever stopped me? No siree, Missy. So I got to thinking about what accommodations I would have in the Very Big Fat Purple Notebook if my name were in there.

Here’s what I came up with (with a little bit of help from my hall-monitoring, chicken-loving health teacher compadre).

The Very Big Fat Purple Notebook
Accommodations for Richie

Accommodation No. 5–Preferred Hours…Adjust my hours so I work 9 a.m. to noon. That specific time window finds me at my peak optimum performance and would ensure unparalleled success.

Accommodation No. 4–Extended Time…Allow modifications and extended time for any and all written materials required by the PTBs (Powers That Be). You know the kinds of things I’m talking about…things that choke the space on the top of my desk… No wait, make that the things that now clutter under my desk. Things like lesson plans, goals, objectives, in-service stuff, stuff I should grade, stuff I did grade, stuff I don’t want to grade, stuff I need to record, stuff I need to read, stuff that will get you fired…

Accommodation No. 3–Provide Outside Assistance…Allow me to leave my classroom in the midst of a lesson to run willy-nilly down the hall to consult with my peers when my carefully crafted lesson goes south.

Accommodation No. 2–Provide Peer Assistance…Provide a personal assistant to keep my desk organized and to maintain the ECD (Emergency Chocolate Drawer).

And, drum roll pah-leese, the No. 1 Accommodation in the Very Big Fat Purple Notebook–The Expresso Express… Daily delivery of Starbucks to my classroom specifically one Grande, Skinny 3-raw Sugar Latte to help me maintain my focus and steel my nerves for the day.

And hey while you’re at it, drop off a Tall Mocha Frappuccino to my hall-monitoring, chicken-loving health teacher compadre around the corner. I think she could benefit from an accommodation or two.


Anonymous said...

My new kindergarten room comes with closets, two of them. The walk in kind. I came up with the fantastic idea to put my teachers desk IN one of the closets. The one who's door will remained locked at all times.....

Anonymous said...

Amen, sistah - I, too, need a purple notebook for me....