Carnivals, My Book & Nifty t-shirts

Woo-hoo! Two carnivals are running in the EduSphere this week, and I have posts on both.

I Want To Teach Forever hosts Issue 10 of the Educarnival v2. My post on “Witches, Warnings & Phone Calls” was included, but you don’t have to go there to read about it here.

Notes From A Homeschooling Mom unveiled her first carnival, the Carnival of Educators. Although hosted by a homeschooler, the carnival is open to all educators. Pop on over there to see what’s going on. My post “Thing 1, Thing 2 and Fish Clappers” was included, but you don’t have to go there to read about it here.

Still, you need to stroll on down the midways so you are in the know and not a ninnyhammer.

And speaking of ninnyhammers, I’m getting Big Fat Stupid Head t-shirts to help promote my book. I have to order more than two, so if you are interested in one, let me know. Cost will be about $12. Shoot me an email at mybellringers@gmail.com

And speaking of my book, it is out. If you preordered at amazon.com, your book should ship sometime next week. If you haven't ordered you book, well my dears, what in the Sam Hill is stopping you? Pop on over to Amazon or the JEA bookstore will also be taking orders soon. I’ll let you know when the book is available through the JEA site.

FERPA, Ninnyhammers & Clock Stoppers

Some of you may recall when I chatted--OK, so make that ranted--about FERPA (the Family Educational Rights & Privacy Act) that initially was enacted to protect the confidentiality of kiddos’ education records. Despite its original intent, school districts across the land went bat-crack crazy and decided to FERPA-ize everything, and, in the process, terrorize student publications advisers. (You can read about it here, here and here.)

Now my buddies at the Student Press Law Center tell me that the DOE (Department of Education) apparently has gone beyond bat-crack crazy and enacted some additional changes to FERPA that are slated to take effect Jan. 8.

I got a nice little email supposedly from Frank LoMonte himself (the executive director of the SPLC) asking if I would chat about it. OK, so he didn’t use the word chat exactly. I, of course, ever-so-easily flattered thought once again I must be a VIB (Very Important Blogger) to have received such a request. That is until I remembered that this nice little email was probably a mass emailing sent by some computer in a backroom. But, oh well, it’s important enough to chat about even if I can’t be a VIB.

You see, these new rules broaden what the DOE considers to be confidential education records to include basic stuff like statistical data about school safety, discipline and academic performance if school officials think that the person requesting the information or even kiddos on campus can figure out who the information might be about.

Personally, I like the DOE’s illustration of compliance for this new FERPA rule. Under the new guidelines, school officials would not be able to confirm whether it disciplined a student for bringing a gun on campus if the identity of the gun-wielding student could be known to other kids on campus. Because, after all, it’s more important to protect the identity of felons instead of telling students, parents or teachers of impending doom or what steps were taken to deal with said impending doom. No siree, Missy, we’ll have none of that. Hush, hush, don’t say a word.

My new buddy over at the Student Press Law Center tells me, “The DOE simply said that accountability doesn’t matter and that its only concern is secrecy.”

Now, all that nonsense got me to thinking, and by-golly, we all know what happens when that happens. Jeez Louise. But let’s just think about what a fab-u-lous idea it would be to FERPA-ize everything. Everything. Just think about it. Here’s my list…

Richie’s Top 5 list of things to FERPA-ize

#5…Spelling Bees…Those little competitions would have to be the first to go because everyone would know when someone gets an answer wrong, and OMG, we can’t have that now can we? Someone might be identified as a ninnyhammer, n-i-n-n-y-h-a-m-m-e-r, ninnyhammer.

#4…Group work and Project Presentations… Fugettaboutit. No longer can kids work on anything together or present their projects to the class because then everyone would know who did a good job and who didn’t, who were the slackers and who were the workers, who deserved an “A” and who deserved a big, fat zero. Kind of like in the work place, don’t ya know, but no siree, we can’t have that now, can we?

#3… Discipline referral forms… Gone. Sorry. No can do. I’d tell you why I wrote that referral form out, but then I’d have to…Oops, I better not finish that statement… Oh, wait, I guess I could finish that statement because aren’t we protecting felons now? No one would ever know. Shhhhhhhh.

#2…Fitness tests… We’re actually conducting fitness tests at my school, but I guess I better sound the alarm and make everyone stop. (I know my out-of-shape newspaper staff would be thrilled.) Yep, I guess we better stop because we wouldn’t want for anyone to know who came in first or last in that dash around the track. Nope, those times better be top secret stuff locked away along with those Push Up Test results. We wouldn’t want for anyone to get a hold of those dangerous stats.

#1…Grades… Yep, I’m going to have to take a stand here and tell my principal that I’m sorry, but I just don’t think I can turn in any grades of any kind any more. No siree. Just in case someone might know or divine who got an “A” or a “B” or a “C” or a whatever. Hey, perhaps FERPA-izing everything wouldn’t be so bad after all. Accountability? Who cares?

Maybe we should just rename the DOE to the DOBFSH––Department of Big Fat Stupid Heads.

But then I’d have to stop my Big Fat Stupid Head Counter.

Consider it done at 111 days, 16 hours, 19 minutes and 28 seconds.

Fitness, 5-Alarm Educational Challenge & Emergency Chocolate

My ladies exercise class occasionally undertakes what we call a “Fitness Challenge.”

Now, boys and girls, the Fitness Challenge should not--I repeat not--be confused with being fitness-challenged. (Which, of course, I am, but that’s not the point.) In our Fitness Challenge, we come up with a few objectives, throw in a reasonable weight loss goal (like I promise to lose 6 ounces within 4 weeks (OK, OK, OK maybe it’s a tad bit more weight), and we devise proper punishment for failing to live up to the expectations and standards of the class. In our case, it’s a money jar. Each and every failure costs a one dollar fine to the money jar.

At the end of the challenge, we empty the money jar and rush speedy quick over to a nearby Mexican restaurant to consume mass quantities of food. Let’s just say that the dinner is usually on me (and not just on my shirt either). Now, I’m not sure about the wisdom in all of that, but it sure is fun.

Well, this Fitness Challenge thing got me to thinking about things. (I know, I know, I know. We all know that happens when I get to thinking, and we all know how I feel about things.)

So, I got to thinking that perhaps I should devise an Educational Challenge, you know, with objectives, goals and consequences. (I think some of you call those lesson plans, but no, silly, I’m not talkin’ about lesson plans here--although I probably ought to rustle up some of those before next week.)

No Siree, Missy. I’m talking about a full-blown 5-alarm Educational Challenge here, strictly not for the faint of heart or Richie hatas. So let’s get right to it. We don’t have a moment to lose. After all, we’ve got five days down and done, and only 172 more school days to go, but, hey, who’s counting? Nope, not me.

Richie’s Full Blown
5-alarm Fun-Filled Educational Challenge

Challenge #5…Can I have more chocolate, please?
I realize that this one directly undermines the whole Fitness Challenge thing (which probably explains why most of my paycheck ends up in the Fitness Challenge money jar), but ah well…

Challenge #5 is to give out more (what else?) chocolate prizes. Chocolate just sets the bar at a higher standard of fabulousness for the year. I gave out chocolate to one of my classes last week for prizes and one kid exclaimed, “I just love this class!”

Forget the AEDs (Automated External Defibrillators) located throughout the school, I now have an ECD.

As in Emergency Chocolate Drawer.

I think it’ll come in quite handy throughout the year. Don’t you?

Challenge #4…Increasing membership in the RFC--Richie Fan Club and decreasing membership in the RHC--the Richie Hata’s Club…
Now my principal (who by the way is a very, very nice guy) claims there isn’t such a thing as the RHC, but we all know there are teacher-types who like us (after all, what’s not to like about us?), and we all know, sadly, that there are naysaying hatas out there too. Hails Bails, isn’t that life in general? Still, we can all try and get along, can’t we?

Last year, I identified five charter members of the RHC. (There may have been a sixth one, but I’m not sure.) Despite those five, I still managed to win a few more hearts and minds… OK, OK, OK so it usually involved mass quantities of chocolate, a few StarBucks gift certificates and some favor trading on my part. But still, I think my fan base has grown a bit from last year.

HOWEVER…

…and don’t you just hate those “howevers”?…

With underclassmen photographs scheduled for next week (you do remember I’m the yearbook adviser, don’t you?), I have a feeling that picture day will most certainly significantly and most definitely negatively impact my fan base.

I guess I better fill up the ECD. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.

Challenge #3… Big Fat Stupid Head No More
OK, all you Naysaying Nellies can stop right now. I know I have made numerous proclamations and promises NOT to say Big Fat Stupid Head, and, of course, I have failed miserably. But let’s not be dreamkillers. Let’s see if we can get beyond our record of 92 days, 19 hours, 39 minutes and 15 seconds. Let’s not concentrate on our failures. If we did that, would we have put a man on the moon? Would post-it notes have been created? Would Michael Phelps have won his gazillion gold medals? Give me the dream. Let’s start up that counter again! Let’s reach for the stars! Let’s just see just how long we can make it through the year without once--audibly--uttering, “Big Fat Stupid Head!”

Ladies and gentlemen, start your counters!

Challenge #2… Do not be a bubblehead.
This sort of goes with Challenge #3. This year I will attempt to leave my thoughts in the bubble above my head and not say them. Verbalizing the thoughts in the bubble is bad. (You know what I’m talking about, or rather, what I shouldn’t be talking about.) So, everyone, repeat after me… “The bubble is bad. Verbalizing the bubble is very, very bad indeed.”

Now before we move onto our top challenge, we need to have a money jar and agree that violations of each and every challenge will cost us a dollar a pop.

OK, now on to Challenge No. 1… Can we have a drumroll pah-leese…

Challenge #1…Ta-da! Keep my desk clean
Every year I start school with a clean desk. I neatly sort through the piles of stuff and file them, toss them or hide them. OK, OK, OK so there’s a lot of hiding going on there, but at least at the start of the school year, I can actually see the brown formica of my desk. My paper clips rest neatly housed in their black desk organizer tray, multi-colored post-it notes are stacked in their special baskets and I have neatly labeled and color-coded my file folders to say things like “Hot File,” “Budget” and “Things That Will Get You Fired 2008-2009.”

If only life were so simple.

If only my desk would remain organized.

If only the desk gremlins would stay hidden at night.

If only.

I told you that emergency chocolate was going to come in handy.

Diets, Mini Monkey Mints & Floral Print Shoes

The week before Spring Break was, well, “interesting.”

That’s my fill-in-the-blank word. You know those words–words you use when someone or something renders you speechless.

“Hmmm, that’s very interesting,” I’ll say when one of my students provides an answer or observation that makes no sense. And, as an added bonus, “very interesting” doesn’t diminish anyone’s self-of-steam.

“Interesting” also provides the perfect response when someone offers a suggestion or idea that makes me want to scream, “You big, fat, stupidhead!”

Instead, I can play nice and merely and politely say, “Why, how very interesting.”

It’s also a great answer to those no-win-are-you-still-beating-your- spouse-type questions. Just merely answer with, “My, now that’s an interesting question.”

And all of this interesting stuff brings me to my entertainment editor’s random, interesting outbursts.

Situation #1–A conversation about food and dieting
Jessica: “I need to eat healthy and lose weight.”
Me: “No, you don’t. You’re the size of a toothpick.”
Jessica: "You don’t know what’s going on under this shirt.”

See how my comment, “Hmmm, how interesting…” would fit in perfectly?


Situation #2–Working on stories
Jessica: “Mini Monkey Mints…”
Pizza Andy & Katelyn: “Alliteration…”
Me: “What?”
Jessica: “I couldn’t remember that word.”
Me: “Mini Monkey Mints?”
Jessica: “No, alliteration…”
Me: “Why are you writing about Mini Monkey Mints?”

See, I should have just said, “Hmmm, interesting” and moved on…

Situation #3–Jessica was working on her fashion critiques. I had asked her earlier to check on a student for me.
Me: “What did she say?”
Jessica: “Floral print shoes.”
Me: Silence. (I’ve got nothing here.)
Allison: “You know, like the shoes with the flowers on them.”
Me: “Yes, I know what floral print shoes are, but what does that have to do with Courtney? Is she wearing them? What did she say about the Andy’s tape?”
Jessica: “Ohhhhh, the tape. Courtney. I didn’t go yet.”

Me thinking about big, fat…Oh, you know the rest…but try as they might they are not going to make me say it…

Floral print shoes

Me saying, “Oh my goodness…”

Floral print shoes

Me thinking next time: “Hmmm…That’s very interesting…”

Blame it on Pizza Andy…

News flash…

We knew it was bound to happen soon especially if you have followed this blog closely. With spring break just around the corner, cold northerly winds clocking at a minimum of 30 mph inside my classroom (a recurring problem) and an overall drop in common sense (another recurring problem), it didn’t take much prodding from Pizza Andy for me to stand in the middle of my classroom, arms outstretched in martyr fashion and proclaim…

after exactly 63 days, 11 hours and 16 seconds…

“They truly are all BIG FAT STUPID HEADS.”

And, nincompoops.

So there.