Richie's Top 5 Things To Be Thankful For

Sadly, I've spent the better part of the week trying to come up with something to write about.

Sadly, it's not that I have been without topics. It's just that every time something flashes through my brain, I'm not even remotely near something (computer, pen, paper) to jot it down. Then, because my brain apparently is the size of a tee-tiny pea, by the time I finally do get to a computer, I can't remember anything. Nothing. Nadda. Zilch.

Such is the sadness of my life. 

I am, however, grateful that J.M. Holland agreed to host the next Education Buzz Carnival except for one little tee-tiny problem--he wants his theme centered on thankfulness. So now, I have to come up with something clever, and that something has to relate to thankFUL instead of thankLESS. You see, I have lots of thankLESS things I could write about, but then that would make me a Naysaying Nellie, and Jeepers Creepers, we certainly have enough of those floating about. So here it goes…

Richie's Top Five Things To Be Thankful For

#5… I am thankful that I haven't done anything where I would have to talk to my children through glass.

#4… I am thankful that I have my BFF Jennifer working with me at school now so that I don't say out loud the bubble above my head.

#3… I am thankful that somehow, some way I managed to train for the 3-day for the Cure, survive newspaper deadline Number 2 and turn in my six weeks grades without setting my hair on fire and running screaming from the building. (Although I do wonder if that little running bit would count as a training walk for the 3-day for the Cure.)

#2…I am so very, very, very thankful for Halloween chocolate. Because without Halloween chocolate, I seriously doubt I would have survived Item #3.

#1… I am thankful that almost 400 days have passed since I've audibly called someone a Big Fat Stupid Head. Although in all honesty, I must admit I  have probably mumbled the phrase, and I'm 100 percent certain I have said the phrase in the bubble above my head. Lately though, the phrase has lurked there, just waiting on the tip of my tongue. I'd tell you about all of that but I'm about 100 percent certain it's one of those things that probably belongs in "My things that will get you fired" folder. So then I'd have to write a list of Richie's Five ThankLESS Things. And that, of course, would then make me a Naysaying Nellie, and then JM Holland wouldn't put me in the Carnival.

So let's all be thankful about my progress here, and hopeful that I can make it to the end of the year without calling someone a Big Fat Stupid Head.

Top 5 Things to Woo-Hoo About

Woo-hoo! Only one more Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday left of school.

Oh yeah, let's not forget one Saturday thrown in just for teachers to turn in all their stuff. You know, important stuff like grades, projectors, books and, well, stuff.

Jeepers Creepers, I really wasn't sure I was going to make it. I could write pages and pages about that, but not much of it would be funny. Let's just say I spent an inordinate amount of time this year throwing starfish after starfish back into the ocean, and all I got in return were stinky fish hands. (You can read that starfish story here.) I do take some solace in reading blogs by other teachers and discovering that they, too, only ended up with stinky fish hands when their year ended.

Still, since this is a no-whining blog, let's look at 5 things that can be considered Woo-Hoo worthy  this year…

Richie's Top Five WOO-HOO Worthy Things

#5…All my freshmen, sophomores and juniors are exempt from final exams. (Translation: I don't have finals to grade and can get my grades done early.)

#4…The kiddos all loved the yearbook this year, and so far, I have yet to receive a telephone call about how something in the yearbook ruined someone's life. I did have a phone call, though, from a parent who asked if we could deliver their yearbook curbside. You know, I guess like Sonic. I should have told her, "Sorry, no-can-do. I misplaced my rollerskates."

#3…My school district encourages and promotes the use of technology which is one reason why they don't block my blog. But, as with everything involving teens, sometimes you get a little more than you bargain for. It's a good thing my principal has such a great sense of humor. The kiddos showed their PhotoShop expertise on a photograph of Dr. Al and gave him this picture framed…

#2…My BFF who lives in a necklace is returning to the Lone Star state and will be teaching at my school next year. She's the one that gave me the Chicken Chucker. I, of course, gave her finger puppets. I think we're going to have some kind of F-U-N next year.

And finally, the Numero Uno reason to shout WOO-HOO as the year ends…

#1…All of those Things That Will Get You Fired actually ended up in my "Things That Will Get You Fired" folder and not in any publication.

Incidents, Birthdays & Fingernail Polish

When one of the yearbook staffers said her camera was missing (Translation: She lost one of my $2,000 cameras), I didn’t even flinch.

No siree, missy.

I didn’t even raise my voice.

Nor did I hyperventilate.

Now, before you get all excited and believe all those yoga classes are finally kicking in, let me tell you that all of the above (flinching, yelling and hyperventilating) definitely would have occurred had that little piece of information been related to me a mere 24 hours earlier.

But none of that happened because 24 hours earlier I had another “incident” —Code word for a 5-alarm, full-fledged, set-your-hair-on-fire disaster in the making.

I’d love to tell you about it, but it’s the type of “incident” that is now safely housed within the confines of my “Things That Will Get You Fired” folder, and that my dears, will allow me to survive another day.(Jeez Louise, I’m starting to feel like a Ghostbuster minding the containment fields.)

So, with the “incident” quickly quelled, and yes, even the camera safely found, I left the great Lone Star state and spent my birthday with my sister in Colorado. We decided to treat ourselves to a manicure and pedicure, and while I was perusing the color selection of nail polish, I grabbed one called, “I’m not really a waitress.”

Now, that reminded me of my students who I constantly admonish that “I’m not a waitress, so don’t call me ‘Miss.’”

 So you can see how these clever little fingernail polish names got me to thinking that perhaps we should have an entire color collection devoted to teachers. I think it would go something like this…

Are You Kiddin’ Me Brown
No Extra Credit Nifty Neutral
TAKS Testing Terra Cotta
Push Your Chairs In Pink
Bump Me Up To Passing Purple
Waiting For The Bell To Ring Rose
Misso Sorry You Forgot Your Homework Honey
Please Raise Your Hand Pebble Sand
Set Your Hair On Fire Engine Red

And, of course, what collection would be complete without my personal favorite—Don’t Be A Big Fat Stupidhead Sensational Slush

Hey, we probably ought to order that one in bulk.

Pants On The Ground, Boxers & Anthems

Sign me up! I’m ready to go on the road as an official Doo-Wop girl.

And I’m not the only one, either. We can thank American Idol for that.

Yep, high school teachers everywhere are singin' a new anthem—that “Pants on the Ground” song. [This link will actually let you see the video if your district blocks that sort of thing like mine does.]

I know it’s stupid, but I love that song. In fact, I’m pretty certain high school teachers across the globe—who act as the first responders in dress code battles in our nation's public schools— love that song. Jeez Louise, we’ve been singing it for years—“Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground…”

If you believe sagging is only a phenomenon in inner city schools, think again. I currently teach in a predominately white suburban school, and I promise you I have seen just as many boxers as I did when I taught in a minority majority high school.

In fact, if I were a bettin’ kind of gal, I would guess that high school teachers see more underwear than most mothers. Hails bails, sometimes I think I must be working at the Hanes underwear plant.

At least now, thanks to Larry Platt and his little ditty, every time a sagging kid goes by, I start yelling, “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground…”

It's enough to startle the kiddos, so much so that they do pull their pants up—at least until they round the corner or duck into a classroom.

My hall buddy commented that someone somewhere will probably complain about the “fool” remark. It’s just not politically correct, she noted. And, probably someone somewhere will say that the “fool” remark probably will negatively impact someone’s self of steam (and we all know how I feel about that).

Somehow that little ditty loses its snapiness if you have to say, “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a clothing-challenged young person with your pants on the ground…”

See what I mean? So I’m stickin’ with Larry’s original lyrics.

Now, Larry’s little ditty got me to thinking about how we needed a song for all those plunging necklines. I came up with one and ran down to sing it to my principal.

He just sighed and said he was glad I wasn’t in charge of the student radio station and told me to put that little ditty into my “Things That Will Get You Fired Folder.”

So I guess you’re going to have to use your imagination for that one.