Today's My Birthday

Jeepers creepers! Today's my birthday and I'm not exactly sure how I managed to get this old.


One day the calendar days flipped over in slow-mo, and now it's like gale force winds have taken up permanent residence whipping the days past at super-sonic speed.  I have–in many, many ways–become the eye of the hurricane. And trust me, it's not a pretty sight.


One day I'm standing in line for my first driver's license, getting married and celebrating my babies' birthdays, and now a nano second later, I'm thinking about retirement. How in the heck did that happen?


But most of all, I want to know who the heck is that old, tired stranger looking back at me in the mirror? My students always look surprised when I tell them how old I am. I'm not sure if they are surprised because I look younger than my 54 years or if I have that you-look-older-than-dirt appearance. I guess I can ponder that while I'm thinking about that whole "who's that staring back at me in the mirror" thing.


In the meantime, let's go through… 

Richie's Top Reasons 

It Sucks To Be Me On My Birthday 

#5…Unlike my much younger years, any cake I eat (and, oh how I plan to eat the tasty Barefoot Contessa's Carrot Cake my husband made for me) will stay with me and my hips for at least the next 500 years.


#4…Tomorrow is a teacher professional development day, and we all know how I feel about those kind of days.


#3…The day after teacher in-service day is state mandated TAKS testing day for English Language Arts.  (I feel the same about those days as I do those teacher inservice days.)


#2…I am drowning in yearbook disasters. Things (and you know how much I hate those darn tootin' things)…Things like discovering pages that haven't been started, pictures that haven't been shot and names that were alphabetized by first names, not last. These are the things that try men's souls and make one dream of retirement.


And the #1 reason It Sucks To Be Me On My Birthday? …Drum roll pah-leese!…


#1…I am working on yearbook pages on my birthday with only Howard the Shelter Cat to help me. And, as you can see by the photographs, Howard (bless his heart) is about as much help as the… Well, you fill in the blank.

Incidents, Birthdays & Fingernail Polish

When one of the yearbook staffers said her camera was missing (Translation: She lost one of my $2,000 cameras), I didn’t even flinch.

No siree, missy.

I didn’t even raise my voice.

Nor did I hyperventilate.

Now, before you get all excited and believe all those yoga classes are finally kicking in, let me tell you that all of the above (flinching, yelling and hyperventilating) definitely would have occurred had that little piece of information been related to me a mere 24 hours earlier.

But none of that happened because 24 hours earlier I had another “incident” —Code word for a 5-alarm, full-fledged, set-your-hair-on-fire disaster in the making.

I’d love to tell you about it, but it’s the type of “incident” that is now safely housed within the confines of my “Things That Will Get You Fired” folder, and that my dears, will allow me to survive another day.(Jeez Louise, I’m starting to feel like a Ghostbuster minding the containment fields.)

So, with the “incident” quickly quelled, and yes, even the camera safely found, I left the great Lone Star state and spent my birthday with my sister in Colorado. We decided to treat ourselves to a manicure and pedicure, and while I was perusing the color selection of nail polish, I grabbed one called, “I’m not really a waitress.”

Now, that reminded me of my students who I constantly admonish that “I’m not a waitress, so don’t call me ‘Miss.’”

 So you can see how these clever little fingernail polish names got me to thinking that perhaps we should have an entire color collection devoted to teachers. I think it would go something like this…

Are You Kiddin’ Me Brown
No Extra Credit Nifty Neutral
TAKS Testing Terra Cotta
Push Your Chairs In Pink
Bump Me Up To Passing Purple
Waiting For The Bell To Ring Rose
Misso Sorry You Forgot Your Homework Honey
Please Raise Your Hand Pebble Sand
Set Your Hair On Fire Engine Red

And, of course, what collection would be complete without my personal favorite—Don’t Be A Big Fat Stupidhead Sensational Slush

Hey, we probably ought to order that one in bulk.