Holy Moley! My Top 5 Reasons It …

I hate when spring break ends. I mentally start listing all the reasons why I deserve not to work. That list goes right along side the list of “How I Would Spend My Millions If I Ever Win The Lottery Or If Bill Gates Throws Some Of His Loose Change My Way” List. (Yeah, right.)

And of course, that list goes right next to my ever growing list of “Things I Really Should Do” List–and we all know how much I love things… except, of course, not those things. But don’t worry about me, I’m sure I’ll just misplace that list and have to start all over again.

But then I remembered a list I started back in October–my “Holy Moley Top 5 Reasons It Sucks To Be Me (Or You) Today” List…See what you think…

The Top 5 Reasons It Sucks To Be Me (Or You) Today

My #1 Choice…Any job that starts the day off with latex gloves and a cup of pee. It’s Texas (remember?) where we randomly drug test children involved in extracurricular activities…Well, if you call random “Everyone show up on this day with your $14 for your mandatory random drug test” like they do in some nearby school districts at the beginning of the year. Jeez. Still, latex gloves, pee, high school students. That’s got to win it.

#2… Any time the school secretary calls to tell you the principal wants to meet with you during your conference period, but doesn’t tell you why. As your right brain screams, “Run! Run like the wind!” your left brain tries to be the voice of reason and begins listing… not one… not two… but three potential reasons. Perhaps it’s time to listen to Mr. Right Brain.

#3… Any day involving rummaging through a full-end-of-the-day-trash can to find something important (your car keys, room keys, money, cell phone, life-or-death phone number) that’s not there but discovered later in your pocket, purse, countertop, down the hall, over the hill, through the woods, well, you get the picture…and it’s not a very nice one…or pleasant smelling one either…

#4… Any morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and yelp, “Holy Moley! Who is that staring back at me?” Or, better yet, “Holey Moley! Why is my mother staring back at me!” (Of course, if you live south of the Red River, you probably yell, “Holy Guacamole!”–I know I do.)

#5… Any afternoon when you have one of those sledgehammer headaches and someone’s mom emails you wanting to know why you (Yes, you Missy or Mister) are failing their child. It is then that you gaze out into your lovely classroom of 25 or so kids, mixed in there are six ADHDs and a couple of repeater kids. You estimate that, oh, about 28 percent of your class bought and ate the choir candy fund-raiser before coming to your class. It is then that you begin to think those latex gloves and pee don’t sound so bad after all.