President Obama, Speeches & Rubber Chickens

Today’s the big day––the President Obama Speech Day, and I’m not quite sure what all the fuss is about because, you see, on any given day probably 99 percent of teachers in the country can’t access anything on the Internet any way.

I along with my EduSphere bloggers have ranted about that before. Some school districts like McKinney ISD have become so paranoid that they have implemented policies restricting even email contact between teachers and students. Hails Bails, friends tell me all the time about how they can’t access my blog at their schools. And don’t even get me started on trying to download images from Google at school. Teachers across this great land of ours have to resort to pretending we’re Russian and surf on over to the communist side. (Are Russians still considered communists?) Ah, the things one must do in the name of education.

So, to President Obama, I say good luck with that whole speech thing and getting through the school house door.

Here’s a tip though, Mr. President, in case you do managed to break through: I noticed there was absolutely no mention of a rubber chicken in your address. Now, Mr. President, if you want those kiddos to listen to you, well, you better rustle one up speedy quick.

You’re going to have to trust me on that one.

Austin, Rubber Chickens & Awards

I spent the weekend in Austin.

I’d like to tell you my time was spent in blissful oblivion at some frou-frouey spa in decadent self-indulgence where the only decision-making crisis was whether to add the aromatherapy salt-wrap or to have chai or organic green tea.

But you know that never happened. For crying out loud, did you forget I’m a public education school teacher?

As if I could afford blissful oblivion. As if. Jeez, I can’t even afford that blue and white Bliss in a bottle stuff.

While most folks view getting away once in a while to get re-centered, re-grouped and re-energized, I, on the other hand, loaded up an assortment of newspaper and yearbook staffers –13 to be exact–and headed to one of the best cities on the planet for the annual state journalism convention. (That alone should give you pause to ponder if perhaps someone whacked me in the head or if, perhaps, I should be whacked in the head, and not for traveling to Austin, but for traveling with that many teenagers.)

So boys and girls, that’s how I found myself in Austin, surrounded by teenagers–did I mention 13 to be exact. (Well, 14 if you count my daughter who serves as VP of Humor Control for this blog.)


Now, we all know that any time you spend an inordinate amount of time with teenagers in a confined area, well, strange things happen. But before we go there, let me just say speedy quick that the chicken, of course, accompanied us and came in quite useful as we darted across lanes of traffic.

As always, Mr. Chicken generated joy to those he pointed and squawked at. After all, what’s not to like about a rubber chicken hanging out a Suburban window or peeking through the sunroof? Compare that to our second van that was forced to navigate without a rubber chicken. At last count, they got flipped off six times.

OK, OK, OK, let’s get back to interesting things overheard… And while what happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, Austin is entirely a different story. Because whatever happens in Austin with 14 pairs of eyes watching will inevitably get embellished exponentially until I’m flying down the freeway at 150 mph singing “Born to Be Wild” at the top of my lungs while flashing my new tattoo of our high school’s first ever state Silver Star. (And just for the record, no, I never drove 150 mph, nor sang much of anything, and no, I don’t have a tattoo, but we did get a Silver Star.)

And speaking of winners, here are a few things overheard on the trip and duly written down by our very responsible yearbook business manager…

In the “Crowded Van” Category… “I’m trying really hard not to touch your butt…”

In the “I-can’t-believe-my-teacher-is-this-stupid” Category…
Me…“Your left or my left?”
Them…“It’s the same left.”
Me…“Oh…”

In the “Are We There Yet” Category…
Passenger #1…“When you go over speed bumps do you make noises like ugggghhh?”
Passenger #2…“No, that’s probably just you.”

In the “Rhetorical Question” Category to the participants of a Problem Solver Convention who were sharing our elevator…
“If there are so many Problem Solvers and this is only Texas, why are our world’s problems not solved yet?"

In the “I can’t believe I just said that” Category
“Oh, I think I hear an ice cream truck!”
“No, dear, those are church bells…”

In the “Let’s get on the same page” Category or the “I-can’t-believe-my-teacher-is-this-stupid” Category Part II…
Me…“What movie are we watching?”
Them…“360”
Me… “I’ve never heard of that movie before. What’s it about?”
Them… “That’s the room number…”
Me… “Oh…”

In the Honorable Mention Category
•“Your face isn’t normal…”
•“Stupider”
•“Runned”

Now, I bet your weekend wasn’t funner than mine… Unless, of course, you found some bliss.