Mood Swings, Dodgeball & Gift Giving

Even if you don’t teach, you know the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas can be crazy. Please excuse the paraphrasing, but these are, indeed, times that can try our souls.

Lately, I’ve been using my Desktop Dodgeball Kids to track and signify my mood of the minute, not my mood of the day. Yes, that’s right, I said minute. And lately, I’ve been posting this one:




so I probably ought not to delve into the shenanigans of the week.

OK, so I know shenanigans isn’t really the most accurate word to use here, but I love that word. I love the way it sounds, the way it flows, the way it encompasses so many things. And, that of course, got me to thinking (and we all know what happens when that happens).

But I got to thinking that perhaps now would be a good time to write about some things that I love like my little dodgeball kids which were a gift from my BFF Jennifer.

Well that gift-giving thing got me to thinking about teacher gifts (after all it is the Christmas season), so I thought perhaps I should share a few ideas for gifts that should top everyone’s holiday list this year. Now, I’d like to say that my book should be at the top of everyone’s gift giving list, but since I am still several months away from publication, you’ll just have to wait for the memo on that one and save a few bucks for later. (Don’t you just love shameless self-promotion?). So here’s my list sans my book (And don’t you just love the fact that my four years of college French has finally come in handy?)

Richie’s Top Five Holiday Gift Giving Ideas

#5…Anyone who’s anybody in the EduSphere has to know Mr. Teacher. In fact, he recently hosted the 200th Carnival of Education. If you went to his site for the carnival, you probably noticed the book he has for sale, “Learn Me Good.” I’ve read the book and it’s a quick and funny read. But if reading isn’t your thing, you can always snap up one of his hilarious t-shirts here for any teacher in your life. From “Darth Grader” to “I teach therefore I am… poor” t-shirts, I giggled just reading the choices.

#4…The Desktop Dodgeball Kids mentioned earlier. My BFF Jennifer originally gave them to me to relieve deadline stress. “I know you can’t hit the children,” she said, “but you can whack these little guys with this nifty little ball. It’ll make you feel better.” She was right, of course, about whacking children and the dodgeball kids. But like I said before, these little guys are also nifty to track and illustrate mood shifts. Don’t you just love multi-purpose toys?

#3…A tiara. How you managed to exist without one for this long I will never know. Even if you aren’t a girly girl (because I certainly am not), you need one. Life just seems exponentially better with one. I keep one at the ready in the classroom for kids to wear when they need a pick-me-up or it’s their birthday or because sometimes you just need a tiara. So buy one for yourself and for another teacher in your life. I keep mine handy for when I need to remind the kiddos that I am Queen of my classroom or if I’m having a bad hair day. And, then of course, there are just those days when I need to feel better, and a tiara, as well as a handful of Emergency Chocolate, does the trick.

Which, of course, brings us to Gift Idea #2…

#2…Emergency Chocolate. Who doesn’t adore chocolate? You can never have enough. I still like my personalized Dove Chocolate messages from last year. Remember for a mere $59.99, you can get 50 Dove chocolates with your own “four unique” messages. I think, though, I might substitute “Hails Bails!” and “Don’t Be A Big Fat Stupidhead!” for two of my messages from last year.

And, drum roll pah-leese…Richie’s Number 1 gift idea…A rubber chicken, of course! Jeez Louise, I can’t believe you haven’t purchased a rubber chicken for the teacher in your life. What in the Sam Hill are you waiting for? If you are new to my blog, you’ll need to go here and perhaps here to read all the reasons why no teacher should live another minute without his or her very own rubber chicken. You’ll have to trust me on this one.

And besides, see how perfectly a rubber chicken fits into a Christmas stocking. It just doesn’t get much better than that.

Lime green boxes, Dove chocolates & messages

I was sorting through the inch and half high stack of yearbook pages that were supposed to have been finished when I caught sight of the lime green-filled box. For those of you blessed to not be a yearbook or newspaper adviser or have the nomenclature “adviser” anywhere near your name, the lime green-filled box on a yearbook page is synonymous with ground zero of a nuclear explosion.

Ok, so maybe that’s a tad bit of a hyperbole, but that little lime green-filled box might as well say, “I-know-a-photograph-goes-here-but-I-don’t-have-one-
and-I-hope-you-won’t-notice-that-I’m-a-big-fat-loser-and-instead-think-you-
spilled-guacamole-here.”

Jeez.

So there I sat staring at the lime green-filled box on the panel pages–pages that contained the class mugshots, and therefore, must be turned in all together…in sequence.

Did I say “together”? …Did I mention the phrase “in sequence”?… Yes, these pages must be turned in together because the publishing plant flows the mugs, well, sequentially. You know, one page after the other. Go figure. So you can’t turn in pages 101, 102, 103, 104, but skip 105 and turn in 106. Nope. No can do. Can we say, “all together” all together?

So there I sat staring. Ok, make that glaring, at the page with the offending lime green-filled box, saying to no one in particular, but everyone in general, “Y’all are wearing me thin.”

I then popped a Dove chocolate in my mouth, you know, one of those tasty, heart-shaped candies with gooey caramel inside and a nifty little message on the foil that says things like “There’s no excuse not to dream” and “Keep the promises you make to yourself.”

“Hey,” I sort of yelled, “make that ‘Y’all are wearing me fat…’”

“Get it?” I asked. “Or, it could be ‘Y’all are wearing me phat?’ You know, with a ‘P’ as in ‘I’m cool…’”

To be honest, there was a lot of eye rolling at that point, a few groans and some others who opted to hide behind their computer screens and pretend not to hear anything.

“Well, you are,” I said to no one in particular. “All this stress is making me eat chocolate, and, uh, making me fat.”

Three Dove chocolates and messages later got me to thinking that perhaps I should go ahead and splurge for my own “four unique” three line tin foil Dove messages. With 17 characters per line, well, just imagine the things I could do. And all for only $59.99. What a deal.

Mine would go something like this…

Message #1…

This is not the
YMCA I don’t have
to be your friend

Message #2…
Quit making
my head
explode!

Message #3…
Don’t bother me
unless your hair
is on fire

And, of course, message #4…
You’re wearing
me fat!