My Summer, Thing 1 & Thing 2

Would someone pah-leese tell me where in the Sam Hill my summer went? One minute I was sitting by the pool drinking lemonade and eating chips. The next minute I'm standing in my closet getting all misty eyed trying to figure out what not to wear.

I had all these big plans for the summer. Things like organizing my files for the school year. Things like organizing stuff in my house. Things like losing 500 pounds. Things like… Well, you get the picture.

Apparently, this is a reoccurring problem of mine as I wrote about this exact same thing on August 9 of last year. That post (which begged for a summer do-over) was pretty funny. (OK, so I'm easily amused.) Now, I'm just pathetic.

So once again one year later, I'm sitting here pondering all the things I need to be doing. In fact, for inspiration I even got out Thing 1 and Thing 2. (And, no I'm not kidding either.) All they want to do, though, is get me in trouble.

So once again I head back to school without much to show for my summer. At least when I get there, I'll take a peek at my "things that will get you fired" folder and hope things run just a tad bit more smoothly this year.

And speaking of things, I bet Thing 1 & Thing 2 had something to do with the thieving of my summer.

Thing 1, Thing 2 & Fish Clappers

(Writers note: This post was featured first on Technorati this week. Please excuse my lateness and my laziness for not posting something different, but I’ve been battling high school germ cooties. Despite my Clorox wipes, Lysol spray and hand sanitizer, I still feel as if I’m living in a petri dish.)

In my little world, Friday brings two things. For fun, let’s call these things “Thing 1” and “Thing 2.”

Thing 1… Every Friday morning, I reward myself for surviving the week with my requisite nonfat, three raw sugar latte. If you’ve ever had the privilege of teaching in a high school, you’re probably saying, “Amen sister!” right about now. (A few of you may even be ordering a double shot of something.)

Thing 2… Somewhere along the way I thought it would be a fabulous idea to institute a weekly Current Events Day. (After all, I teach a journalism class.)

Friday’s class goes something like this… The kiddos bring in an article that interests them. Each kid talks about his article. Then other kids comment about the article. Then we all applaud with these nifty little fish clappers I purchased on line.

Sometimes, though, the comment portion makes me just want to whack myself in the head with those fish clappers. Last week I smacked myself twice. One kid tried to convince the rest of us that President Obama won two Nobel Peace Prizes, and another kid, like, used the word, like, oh, I don’t know, like, about 20 times in, like, 20, like, seconds. (I bet you’re, like, wanting to borrow those clappers, like, right about now.)

But besides those two minor incidents, most of the class brought in two articles that mirrored the buzz around the nation. For fun, we’ll call these things “Thing 1” and “Thing 2.”

Thing 1… The story of the 6-year-old Colorado boy who was thought to have been inside a wayward weather balloon, but was later found hiding in his family’s garage attic.

Thing 2… The story of a 6-year-old New York Cub Scout who was suspended from school for bringing his little Cub Scout camping utensil to eat his lunch.

In Thing 1, my journalism kids pretty much agreed with the buzz across the nation that a family who appears on a reality show like “Wife Swap,” claims to have flown alien spaceships in a previous life, and then makes the media circuit (even though their kid throws up twice) is probably just a tad to the left of crazy. Even the kids questioned whether the ordeal was a publicity stunt before the sheriff’s department announced that charges would be filed in the incident.

In Thing 2… Some in the class argued in favor of leaving cute little Zachary alone and putting him back in school. Others favored punishing the 6 year old. It’s the old Zero Tolerance faction pitted against the Use Discretion and Common Sense faction.

Just like in the national arena, we didn’t resolve the Zero Tolerance issue either, but at least, we got to use the fish clappers and dispel the two Nobel Peace Prize rumor.

Now about that “like” thing. Well, that’s going to take, like, more then, like, my clapping fish and one Friday to handle. Let me, like, get back to you on that one.

Folders & Thing 1 & Thing 2

As I told you before, I have a folder in my right-hand desk drawer called, "Things that will get you fired." What I didn't tell you is, I also have a folder on my school email that says, "Things that suck." And after an interesting little conversation with She Who Shall Not Be Named (don't ya just love Harry Potter allusions?), I probably need to stuff that little electronic ditty into my "Things that will get you fired" folder.

But maybe, just maybe, I just need a folder called, "Things."

Wow, then I could have not one folder, but TWO folders. And, gollygeewillikers, I could call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.

I think I'm on to some thing.