Sunday, November 1, 2009

Deadlines, Omelets & Banned Chocolate

Somehow we managed to survive this deadline without our Emergency Chocolate drawer. Of course, that made us all a tad bit more snarky than usual.

The lack of EC had absolutely nothing to do with efforts to shed 5,000 pounds, acknowledge the evils of refined sugar or fit into those pair of blue jeans now stashed in the back of my closet.

No siree, Missy.

We can blame this entire 5-alarm chocolate-less state of emergency on a nasty little email sent just days before we launched into our second newspaper deadline. This little electronic ditty outlined some not-so-nice edicts from a bunch of state bureaucratic chocolate hatas. Jeez Louise, what is the world coming to?

The email went something like this “blah, blah, blah, high schools may not serve or provide …blah, blah, blah… candy at any time anywhere on school premises… blah, blah, blah…such foods and beverages may not be sold or given away to students on school premises by school administrators or staff (principals, coaches, teachers, etc.), student or student groups, parents or parent groups, guest speakers or any other person, company or organization…blah blah blah… stricter penalties… blah blah blah…”

Is there anyone left in the free world not on that list that can slip us a little contraband chocolate? Now, I know these little rules have been around for a bit, but like Jack Sparrow, I rather preferred to think of them as merely “guidelines,” mate. Apparently, such is not the case.

According to these rules, you can dive into a sugar-laden, fat-filled frenzy after school hours, but not during school. No illegal chocolate for the sports guys after they discovered they desperately needed a quote from the golf coach, who hasn’t been seen in days because the team’s at a tournament. No chocolate. None. Nadda. Zip.

And, no forbidden chocolate either for my cute little editor-in-chief when she discovered–once again for the gazillionth time–that no one shot her photos for the centerspread. No chocolate for her either. None. Nadda. Zip. Just two blank pages staring back at her.

And, there was no emergency chocolate for the rest of us either when–in the midst of deadline–we asked one of the sports guys, “Hey, what are you doing?” as he popped paper plate after plate into the microwave with some sort of egg concoction instead of working on his pages.

“Making omelets for my Spanish class,” he replied.

Now, I’m not exactly sure where mixing and microwaving omelets fit under the chocolate hatas memo. I remember seeing some link that had the words “square meal” somewhere, but I didn’t bother having a look.

You see, my meals come on round plates, and the only thing square comes in the form of a little banned chocolate bar.


Anonymous said...

Can students bring their own chocolate to school? Could they store it in your room, say in a package with their name on it, only to be opened in emergencies....

askthehomediva said...

ahhh, now you're talking. There is always a work-around.

Anonymous said...

We got hammered with that edict this year too. It killed our fund-raising. Last year we made $2000 from candy sales to students. We have no idea where we are going to find a good fund raiser to replace it. Suggestions welcome. (Can't take kids out of class either - killed another great fund raiser.)

Death to the candy police!

Nancy said...

Chocolate is candy?? I thought it was medicinal.

askthehomediva said...

I thought it was part of the food pyramid :-)

Margaret said...

Chocolate's HEALTH FOOD, for pity's sake! antioxidants! (dark chocolate something-or others?) Kinda like Cheerios or SPF-enhanced make-up. Sheesh! the street value's gonna explode.

HappyChyck said...

I like to think of that no-food rule as something the yearbook is exempt from.

The whole no food thing is a bummer because I've always gotten more work out of a staff full of junk food.

Somehow...the band has gotten around it because they sell "the world's grossest chocolate bars" to raise money for instruments. Hmmm...interesting, aye?

I'm suppose to be teaching students to be "principled" or some crap or I'd say, "You SHOULD NOT take chocolate from my desk." wink, wink...But then my editor, Thing One, doesn't even need to be "reprimanded." He just takes.

Sarah Ebner said...

I don't know how you survived without we have the lunchbox police and only healthy eating in schools. But my son was still making ice-cream today (and, being 4, he can't remember exactly how he did it!)

Your Favorite Allison said...

RICHIE! I just thought you would be proud to know that I am blogging. Yep. You taught me well.

Also. It is still very strange for me to read about your new staffs. (Staves? haha I bet you haven't gotten that one.) For some reason I feel like newspaper can't go on without me because, apparently, I am very self absorbed. But my self-of-steam has been missing those bi-weekly beatings from you, and I thought you should know.

So, just wanted to drop by and say I miss you and I hope everything is going well! (shoot...that's an exclamation mark...) I put my blog as the url if you care to check it out. Adios.

askthehomediva said...

Allison! (see you even merited an exclamation point, too.) So good to hear from you and so glad you are blogging. :-)

I hope you've had a chance to take a look at my book. Tell all the teachers in your life (since you have so-o-o-o-o many).

Keep in touch! I'll take a look at your blog, too.

askthehomediva said...

p.s. Allison, send me the link to your blog. It didn't come through.

Your Favorite Allison said...

Oh my goodness! An exclamation mark for me?? I am soo honored. And I had no idea about your book. We really really need to catch up. I actually have a lot of people-planning-to-be-teacher-friends so I will check it out and pass it on to them for sure.

My blog is...