Stinky Yellow Schools Buses, Big Fat Stupid Heads & Stop the Timer!

I really thought I could make it to the new year without  calling anybody a Big Fat Stupid Head. 

I even debated whether shouting, "Big Fat Stupid Head" counts if you're all alone in your car, windows rolled up and no one there to hear you. It's kind of like that dumb philosophical question, "If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" 

After some consideration, I decided that if I shouted, "You're a Big Fat Stupid Head" (which I did), but no one was around to hear it, it probably had to count. 

Chalk it all up to Stinky Yellow School Bus #666  (*the bus number has been changed to protect the BFSH.) 

Here's a ferret-on-crack version of the sordid incident:

I was driving down the road in my trusty mini-van when Stinky Yellow School Bus #666 pulled out in front of me. Now, I really don't care when a spiffy little red sports car pulls out in front of me because they tend to accelerate rather rapidly and don't slow me down. 

But a big yellow school bus? Pah-leese. 

Then, of course, after pulling out in front of me, Stinky Yellow School Bus #666  did what all big fat yellow school buses do. It spewed all sorts of toxic black smoke into the air that quickly circulated through my trusty little mini-van's vents. 

And, as if all of that wasn't bad enough (and don't ya think it outta be?), Stinky Yellow School Bus #666 stopped (as required by law) at the train track that had crossing arms to look for the imaginery train because we certainly wouldn't want to get hit by one of those now would we? 

Jeez Louise, it's not as if we're all running around in Mr. Roger's neighborhood with the trolley zipping us to the land of make believe. (Although at this point, I certainly wanted to be on Mr. Trolley speeding to the land of make believe.)

So that is how Stinky Yellow School Bus #666  made me shout, "Big Fat Stupid Head!" and why I had to make a special trip to Starbucks just to summon the energy to make it through another day--as if I needed an excuse to go there.

Since I seem to be a tad bit stressed with all this yearbook stuff due and the end of the semester looming, I decided that perhaps it would be best to start up the BFSH timer after New Year's Day. 

Somehow I think it will make me less snarky and somewhat cheerier if I'm able to sing…

"Dashing through the streets

In my trusty mini van

O'er the tracks we go

shouting big fat stupid head all the way.

Christmas break is close

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to laugh and sing
A Big Fat Stupid Head song tonight…"

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling better already.


[Reminder: The next Education Buzz will be here on Wednesday, Dec. 22 for our Christmas edition.  Submission deadline will be 7 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 18. Please use this handy-dandy submission form. Then we will probably take a brief break until after the first of the year so that everyone can enjoy the their much-needed holiday break. If you are interested in hosting an edition of the Education Buzz, please let me know by emailing me at mybellringers@gmail.com.]

Stopping the Big Fat Stupid Head Timer

Sometimes I amaze myself.

Often times I disappoint myself.

And other times I just have to deal with myself.

And so, at this particular moment in time, if you mash those three things together into one fine mess, you get a screeching halt of the Big Fat Stupid Head timer for Challenge #3. Yes siree, Missy. The clock has officially stopped. No more ticking here or there. Nope. We are full speed ahead into a full-blown, 5-alarm Big Fat Stupid Head clock stopping crisis.

Oh, pah-leese, don't look so surprised especially after last week. You knew I was teetering on the edge of the great dark newspaper deadline abyss. While I never once picked up an ax, I did have that Lizzie Borden, ax-wielding, fixin’ to go postal, crazed look kind of smile all week long. And, no, neither the Emergency Chocolate nor the Superduper Secret Emergency chocolate could stop the inevitable.

But let’s go back to the amazing, disappointing and dealing with oneself bit…

I am rather amazed that I managed to muddle through for 266 days, 11 hours, 26 minutes and 21 seconds (more or less) before my Big Fat Stupid Head outburst. I say “more or less” because I technically didn’t stop the timer until two days after the fact. I shrieked those words at my newspaper staff on Thursday during deadline because, well, quite frankly, they were all Big Fat Stupid Heads. Although just a mere two days away from turning in the newspaper, we still had vacant boxes where cartoons were supposed to go, empty columns where stories were supposed to be and blank spaces where photographs belonged.

Once the BFSH words tumbled out, I was a bit disappointed that I couldn’t stop myself. Blame all that chocolate or that shot of espresso, but even as the bell rang, I continued saying, “Goodbye Big Fat Stupid Head No. 1, Big Fat Stupid Head No. 2, Big Fat Stupid Head No. 3…” and so forth and so on.

I felt a tad bit like Chevy Chase in “A Christmas Vacation” in that scene at the beginning of the movie where the corporate types all file past him, but ignore him as he wishes each one, “Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas…” until he realizes that no one is listening to him, so he starts saying other things–– as in things that will get you fired.

Now, calm down. I didn’t say any of those things, but I did find it all rather cathartic to say Big Fat Stupid Head, Big Fat Stupid Head, Big Fat Stupid Head, over and over and over again. It sort of became my mantra for that day, and, yes, the next day, too.

And the kids? Well, they do what they always do--laugh.

So I’ve decided, at least for the next few days, I’m just going to deal with the entire shebang by not restarting the timer, until I have this whole Big Fat Stupid Head thing back under control and my Emergency Chocolate Drawer restocked.

In the meantime, I’ve even made my own, “Don’t be a Big Fat Stupid Head” stickers. They look like this…



So you can see why it may take me just a bit longer before I crank up that timer again.