The Leave-No-Richie-Behind Law & Kodak Moments

I returned from my fab-u-lous trip where I saw my BFF. I suppose at some point I should chronicle that expedition, but right now I am so far behind in all my school-related work that will just have to wait.

I wish someone would pass the Leave-No-Richie-Behind law (not Nicole Richie, you silly, Richie me) and assign a highly qualified teacher to help me because, quite frankly, I’m sinking here and Nicole Richie doesn't need that kind of help. Whatever idiot decided to go out of town and come back right before progress reports were due and schedule a yearbook deadline and a newspaper deadline simultaneously should have her head examined (or put in the freezer). Yo, Dr. Phil, are you feelin’ it? Got any openings?

One interesting note… my school district managed to install about 70 security cameras at $1,000 a pop while I was gone. One hangs in the corridor by my room. So, you see, it captures everything: Why, there’s Richie doing her hall duty, there’s Richie coming back from the mailroom, there’s Richie chatting with the health teacher. Oh, my, is that Richie running out the emergency exit? Is that her hair on fire?

So you see, now, if I really do set my hair on fire and run screaming from the building, it’ll be captured…on film… Can't you just see it? Hear it?… “We have a breaking story,” the television anchor will interrupt and in a somber tone say, “Crazed teacher sets her hair on fire and runs screaming from the building. Film at 10.”

And, Holy Guacamole, it’ll be true.