Sunday, January 4, 2009

Holiday Endings, Soreheads & Billboards

We all knew it would happen. The end of Christmas Break.

Or, if one were to be politically correct, the end of Winter Break. But even being politically correct doesn’t take the sting out of starting back up, now does it?

I don’t know about you, but somehow I managed to not manage my time well. Not only did I not accomplish anything on the education front (you know, lesson plans, grading, planning), I didn’t even get to scratch off anything from my ever growing to-do list.

I’m absolutely certain my yearbook rep will be thrilled to discover that only Batch #3 of my page proofs got proofed. Oh, and my yearbook plant rep? I can hear her sigh rolling across those plains.

Now it’s not that I didn’t appreciate the cute little notes with a drawing of Frosty the Snowman at one of end of a maze and page proofs at the other end of the maze admonishing, “Help Frosty find the proofs!…Keep us busy this holiday season by submitting all your completed pages and returning corrected proofs…”

They sent it all on politically correct blue paper (no Christmas red or green, no siree, Missy, we’ll have none of that.)

Yep, I bet they’re all doing a dance of joy about now. I probably got marked off the “Send-That Fab-u-lous Adviser a Starbucks Gift Card” list. (Hmmm, come to think of it, I didn’t get a Starbucks card this year. Ah, well, maybe, just maybe, if I had had a tasty Starbucks Grande non-fat three raw sugar latte, I just might have cranked out Proof Batch #4, Mister Yearbook Rep.)

But I did not intend for this post to digress into the shortcomings of Richie, no siree, Missy. Rather, I wanted to chat about billboards. Yep, that’s right, billboards.

While driving home through the great state of Texas after visiting family over my Christmas break, I initially was alarmed that the Chamber of Commerce for the town of Dumas removed its wonderful billboard. My heart palpitations stopped only when my husband pointed out that the old billboard merely had been replaced by a newer version. My favorite phrase (although noticeably smaller) remained intact…“Home of the Ding Dong Daddies, 14,000 Friendly Folks and a Few Old Soreheads!”

I love that sorehead line. It’s so, you know, politically incorrect to acknowledge that everything isn’t 100 percent perfect and everyone isn’t 100 percent great.

Well naturally, all of that got me to thinking (and we all know what happens when that happens), and I thought about how schools might want to jump on that sort of politically incorrect billboard bandwagon. It might go something like this…

Welcome to Anytown High School! Home of the Tigers, 16 kids driven to succeed and 5 driven to a parole hearing!

Welcome to Yourtown High School! Home of the Eagles, 1 national merit scholar and 1 local hot dog eating champion!

Welcome to Everyonetown High School! Home of the Falcons, 1,150 exceptional students and 17 teachers who are borderline bat crack crazy!

Welcome to Ourtown High School! Home of the Bears, average test scores and administrators who mismanage your taxpayer dollars!

The billboard for my school would read…

Welcome to Mytown High School… Home of the Panthers, 2,168 fab-u-lous kiddos, 4 card-carrying Richie hatas and 1 very, very, very tired and politically incorrect adviser!


Anonymous said...

I had to click on the phrase..just had to. that was awesome - thanks for including it.
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who had difficulties in the "uses time wisely" check box. Once the soul-searching was done and the life-decisions made, there was just enough time to write my missing lesson plans. And oddly enough, I'm ok with that. (snow days are coming before end of Jan. anyway)

Anonymous said...

I drive past that very billboard every time I visit my parents. (Dumas is our half-way stop on the trip.)

I am wondering how two weeks managed to slip through my fingers when I realized that we had four Christmases (and NONE of them with Reese Witherspoon!), a New Year's Eve party (the first in five years...which oddly enough corresponds to the number of years my wife and I have had kids), two dental appointments, and a pediatrician's appointment.

Combine that with the fact that I'm going to miss two days of school this week (follow-up dentist appointment and a day surgery for my 2-year-old son) and I'm thinking that I may be a bat-crack crazy sorehead for a couple of days while I adjust to being back in the salt mine that is being a high school teacher! :-)

Clix said...

Yes, but you know what we're all REALLY wondering...

how many BIG FAT STUPID HEADS are there?!

Richie, I heart you. I feel so much better about being behind in my yearbook pages now! *laugh*

Melissa B. said...

Or, Welcome to Our Humble High School, Home of Mrs. Scribe, Principal Man & 2,400 (give-or-take a handful) cases of Grade Inflation! BTW, we always wanted to graffiti-ize that Dumas sign when I was growing adding another "S." AND, as I always tell the kiddos, "Don't be afraid of her. The Yearbook Rep works for US. We're the ones paying to get this done!"

Margaret English said...

I think that our board would read: "Enter at your own risk. This building - considered by some to be a place of learners, 40 learning facilitators and a half dozen incompetent, fat-cat morons. Jobs available."