iPods, Chinese fire drills and trucks

Podless.

iPodless.

There I said it. I am Podless.

"Hello, my name is Richie and I am podless…"

Yes, podless.

I am sure Steve Jobs would roll his eyes to know that.

Podless. Podless. Podless. (Sort of cathartic to do that like a third-grader in a school yard.)

I am not podless by choice. My two children, of course, have them as well as just about everyone above three feet tall and below the age of 86 who resides on the planet. But alas, it is one of those if-only-Oprah-would-discover-me type purchases. I can't justify the cost. And quite frankly, I'm a bit fuzzy as to all the reasons I should have one (because if you can't wear it or eat it, I'm not sure I need it).

But for a brief moment I needed it, wanted it… coveted it.

I was sitting with my editor going over editor things and needed to check the accuracy of an infographic. Since my editor is above three feet tall and definitely under the 86-year-old range, I asked her, "Hey, do you have an iPod?"

"No," she said, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Oh," I said, thinking that perhaps she was experiencing the same if-only-Oprah-would-discover-me financial pinch.

"I'm sorry," I said mustering my most somber tone while making my best sad face (which btw needs a tad bit more work).

"I used to have one," she said somewhat wistfully.

"What happened?"

"It got run over."

"What?"

"Yeah, a truck ran over it."

"No way… what happened?"

"Chinese fire drill."

"Uh, that's unfortunate."

Shortly after that, our artist walked in.

"I need an iPod," I told her. "She doesn't have one. It got run over by a truck."

"No way! Mine got run over too."

"Chinese fire drill?" my editor asked somewhat hopefully.

"Mom," the artist said. "Ran over my phone and my iPod."

"Truck?" I asked.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" she asked.

"Conspiracy theory," I said.

And with that, I thought, perhaps it was better not to covet the things we don't have.

Still, I was iPodless.

But it's OK. It'd probably just get run over any way…

…by a big truck

…during a Chinese fire drill

…on deadline.

It could happen.